Just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.

Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Well I'da done better, but it's plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Is that a cooking show? Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm going to come back there and change your opinions manually!

I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I've always known him: Jeff.

I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in. You hit me with a cricket bat. All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.

Well, what do you expect, mother? But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn't that mean anything anymore? Across from where? It's called 'taking advantage.' It's what gets you ahead in life.

Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. Whoa, this guy's straight? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. Michael!

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp. Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be…

Quit destroying the universe! She also liked to shut up! You wouldn't. Ask anyway! Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You'd think it would be something you'd have to freebase.